Its just words. Nothing I have is enough.

And you, you're just my next mistake..like me to you.

You have days when you are reflective, hours perhaps. I stop for a moment, look around me, I can never seem connect myself to any of it. Time moves at a differnt pace, slightly out of sync. Right now it all pales. Never have I wanted to hold onto something so much as I do now. Never have I wanted to make someone smile as much as I do now.

Everything I say seems so empty and I think I frustrate more than I entertain. Sometimes I wonder if I should be more serious, but I cannot see where that will get me, only cause uncomfortable instances. I need to just be me, as I always am. As little as it is, its what I have. Im struggling now, to find words to write here, struggling to explain and express what ..I don't know.

If there were a way, I would press my emotions between the pages of a book, keep them there, for all to see and interpret as and how they will. If there were a way, I would exhale every part of what I feel and let it fill another. If there were a way, I would swap every word I have ever spoken, or ever will, for one pure moment of complete understanding. One quiet and soft revelation, one to another. Let it run through their veins, fill their lungs, warm every part of the skin. Caress every worry in their mind to little more than the remnant of a whisper. If there were a way, I would wrap my soul around every fear, every struggle, every fight. If there were a way, I would wipe away everything but that which matters.

If there were a way, I would take it all away.

It doesn't matter when time is only short. That doesnt mean it can't be quality. It doesn't matter that quite possibly, I will never say all I want to say..for lets be honest, I do tend to go on, and it would take more than our combined lifetimes for me to get through it. It doesnt matter that you wont do everything you need to, or that you might not remember things you want to. It wont matter if you call me Billy, or tell me you like the smell of the dryer lint. That will make me laugh and cry in equal measure.

You can rest assured that I will do something fun with you, probably colour you in and let you run around....or maybe I will consider that handstand.

Its early here, too early, which makes it too late for you. If I had a hand in making you a better person? Then damn you must have been completely useless before we met, I have to admit. Sage advice is only ever wisdom when used, and I wouldnt use it. I listened..if its not brass its sting..what is it with you? Melancholy is a sorry state of affairs, what have you to be melancholy over?

Have you not got love? Have you not had smiles, laughs and experiences in abundance? You want to do it your own way, fine..then dont be such a complete (insert fitting noun) and smile.

It comes to my attention, that even if you were taught a little about flattery, you were not versed in the ability to use it, typically. A man with a skill he knows not how to use..oh the irony.

I've have more I would say, but to what avail? you have tuned out by this point anyway. So.....

Thank you, just thank you. Life is about sharing, thats all that really matters and all that ever will..and I appreciate, with every cell of my being, you sharing your not so impressive self with me.

Cel, the slightly more impressive.

Im an idiot aren't I? Don't answer that, I already know full well I am. I've been trying to write for days, but it's impossible. Nothing I put to paper seems relevant, or useful. It's just words. Am I scared? Yeah..sure as hell I am. Can I do anything about it? Nope..not one single thing. As much as I don't want to, I become irrational..I feel like Im played for a fool sometimes, and others..I feel cheated, cheated out of something. To be honest, that's quiet possibly the most selfish thing I could feel, but it doesnt mean I don't feel it..Im just..squashing it.

Ahh, I don't know. Im so..afloat. That's it. Im drifting and one sure day of words and truths and ..gah, wishes are useless. We are given our lot and we deal with it.

Theres a point, somewhere in your head, that lets you know when something you are doing is going to hurt.

Why, for all that is good and right in the world, why the hell do we never, ever, listen to it?
But you know what? I have come to the conclusion, why worry? Sometimes, things are worth a little pain. If you dont try, you will always fail.